Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Right now.

Right now Carl and I are laying on my bed resting. He's sleeping and I'm relaxing with my hot, well slightly warm now, rice bag. I've done all the things on my phone I generally do in the morning like look at craigslist,  read, check my email....and now updating my blog. I drank my chocolate milk and got the kids off to school with a warm breakfast in their bellies and their packed lunches. I've listened to the chickens cluck their eggs out and I've put dirty clothes in the hamper and towels in the wash. It's been a busy morning...I think I deserve a quick nap...
(Hi trevor! I know you're reading this at should come home early and take a nap with me ;) just kidding...kind of)

Sunday, September 7, 2014

The A word.

And by the A word I mean accident. I get tired of talking about it, thinking about it and living it. The kids have healed so well. The only problem is Emilys backpack hurting her back from being so heavy. Hopefully we have a solution for that that she'll be ok with. (I have my douts...Vans do not make a backpack with wheels)
There isn't a morning yet where the first thing on my mind is something other than my neck and the same thing goes for the last thing on my mind before I finally fall asleep.
I went to the doctor again this week for xrays and a check up. Trevor came away feeling great about it, I came away slightly discouraged. The surgery part of my neck is healing perfectly. However until an issue I'm having in the vertebra below the surgery sight resolves, I have to keep getting xrays. Granted I don't need them again until December but still it could go on for a long time... I can now lift up to 25 lbs and exercise more which is great. But I have to stay inside all winter unless someone is with me. Apparently a fall on the ice could be horrible. And it's always icy in Rexburg!
We're trying to change my pain meds now too. I'm coming off the narcotic and switching to a muscle relaxer. Yesterday (saturday) I took my new pill for the first time and I slept most of the day. And when I wasn't actually laying down sleeping, I was practically walking around sleeping! We're hoping it was a first time thing. I'm going to try it again today and see if it's any better. It's exactly the reason why we waited until the weekend to try this new pill; so we could see how it affected me. Which brings me to Trevor....It always comes back to him, right? He's so patient with me. This weekend we were going to clean up the yard together and all I did was sleep. He didn't complain once. He just made sure I was comfortable and did what needed to be done without me.  I did get to watch him make a huge bonfire with the pile of scrap wood we had in the backyard and that was pretty cool, although kind of scary.
He's just so good. He doesn't realize how good he is but I do. I'm grateful everyday for him.
Now that school has started, it's pretty quiet around here during the day. I'm handling it much better this year than I did last year. I'm in a better place emotionally now. I feel more secure and more at peace with myself now than I have for quite awhile.
And now I'm tired of myself! Seriously I need to blog about something different once in awhile. But it's 4 in the morning and I had to do something other than lay here and stare at the ceiling. Church is in a few hours and I'm looking forward to it. I love to hear others testimonies and to be uplifted by them. We have such a great ward with such strong people. I'm so happy with where we live...

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

First day of school.

Emily is in 8th grade, Annabelle is in 7th grade, Stephen is in 5th grade and Joshua is in 2nd grade.
They all had a really good day. Everyone came home happy (although Anna didn't stay that way!) And are ready to go back to school tomorrow.
Trevor took me to lunch at the best Mexican restaurant. And tomorrow I get to go to lunch with one of my favorite people in the world. So all in all, a successful start to a new school year!

Friday, August 22, 2014

Stephens award winning calf.

This past year, Stephens been in 4H raising and training cows/calves. For the most part he's really enjoyed it. This last week they entered their cows into the county fair. Stephen did a really good job. There were lots of things they were judged on but I can't remember them all. However he did win 3 first place ribbons!
We were so happy for him and proud of all the hard work he did to train his cow.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Another day.

A great day! Joshua got the go-ahead from his doctors to stop wearing his brace and we are so flippin' excited. I couldn't stop smiling after his appointment, I was so happy. It feels a little bit like closure. I think we all feel a little more healed emotionally. It hurt to have to tell him that he couldn't do things and have to comfort him while he cried. But he always took it so well and had such a great attitude!
He starts school next week and as long as he has good neck movement, he won't have to have any restrictions; he can be a normal little boy again!
Today we were able to visit with aunt chelsey while in Salt Lake. We love that girl! The kids were so excited to see her and we had a great time visiting with her. We will never be able to thank her enough for what she did for Joshua and us...
It was a really, very, most definitely, great day.
As we turned onto our road at 10:30 tonight, Trevor said that it was his favorite turn of the day. We all definitely agreed. Home is the best.

While in Salt Lake we toured the conference center. That place is amazing!
This picture is of the kids by Wilford Woodruff bust; he's our ancestor.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Park days.

There are days that we just have to get out of the house. So we grab a blanket, a cake and some soda and head to the park. While there, we take a lot of pictures and then we end up laughing a lot. We always have a great time. Except today we were missing not as great of a time as usual but it was still really good.
And these goofy kids are super darn cute.


It's been a day. This morning I didn't get out of bed until ten o'clock. And I woke up to a puddle of drool (my own). That's gross and private but I don't care.
I've been hurting more than usual for the last couple of days. I've been trying to do too much and I've ended up paying for it. By the end of the day, around 6 p.m. my brace is back on till the next morning and I have an annoying nerve thats out of whack by my temple that makes me feel like I have a very large bug crawling around right there in my hair. By then I'm pretty much feeling crazy and probably acting it as well.
I wish I was more like Josh. He's patient. He has a really good attitude. He never complains.  He goes on with life like nothings really happened. In fact I think he may be proud to wear his brace in a I'm-a-tough-kid kind of way. He isn't afraid to need help or to ask for help (I'm learning...).
I need to be more like him!
Today Josh and I went to see a movie together. Like a date. Except as we were leaving we saw and talked to the girl he had a crush on all last year. He got to show off his brace and act super cool. However as we were leaving, he did still hold my hand so at least I still have that...

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

The thick and thin of it.

I've got three different things I could do right now; watch Army Wives, read my book "The Hard Way" (its Jack Reacher and I actually really like it), or I could update my blog. As you can tell, the blog won. And I have something specific to blog about.
Body image.
I know...its a tough one.
But its on my mind. 
For as long as I can remember I've had issues with the way my own body looked. No matter what other people thought about how my body looked, my opinion was the only one that mattered and it was never a nice opinion. The months before our accident I was having a very hard time with the way I looked and fit into clothes. I had gained weight despite my hour and a half work outs and my relatively healthy eating.  Having been told all my life how thin I was, when I did gain weight it felt like I was losing part of my identity. Its crazy, I know but my mind was being mean to me. And I allowed it to belittle myself constantly. Looking back, I can see the purpose in my weight gain and that it was a blessing that couldn't be appreciated until after the accident and seeing the reason for it.
Sine then I've realized that we are much, much too hard on ourselves. I am not the number on the scale or the inches on the tape measure. How can a person enjoy life when constantly worried about that stuff? I know I can't. But I also know I will always struggle with my body image. I read an article today on a woman who has battled the same thing. Her words could be my words: "Today I'm at a healthy weight, though I realize that my obsession will always be with me in some way. For years the voice inside me has gotten louder or quieter at times. It may never disappear completely, but hopefully one day it'll be so quiet, it’ll only be a whisper and I’ll wonder, Was that just the wind?" Zosia Mamet

Oh and look! I got crafty...(thanks Pinterest!)

My girls.

When Emily was born, we were expecting a boy. And the same goes with Annabelle. Its been 12 years since Anna was born and I couldnt be more proud or more pleased with my two beautiful ladies. That being said, they can make me certifiably insane. The last couple of days they haven't talked to each other without it becoming an argument. And I know arguing at this age won't be detrimental to their adult relationship with each other but there are some things I wish I could make them understand.
1. One day they are going to rely on each other for support and comfort. I remember the day my brother Stephen went to the hospital, my siblings and I were outside with the ambulances. I saw my sister Jessica and felt that I needed to be near her. We hugged each other and I remember being comforted because she was there.
2. Life will get hard and talking to me will not be easy and they may not even want to. But they will be able to talk to each other. With them being so close in age, they will be able to understand each other. That is priceless.
3. Everybody needs a defender. Whether its from bullies who steal your backpack (remember that, Candice?) Or from the harsh let-down from friends. Its nice to know someone has your back.
4. Some times we all get scared. I was scared a lot growing up. I remember one time crying in my closet and my sister Amy came and hugged me and took my fears away. She gave me courage to wipe away my tears and keep going.
I just want my girls to love each other. Me and my sisters didnt always get along but we always loved each other. I hope Emily and Annabelle can say that about each other one day...

Saturday, August 9, 2014

The (almost) perfect marriage.

So I was once accused of over compensating in my marriage; trying to make others think it's better than it actually is. For myself, if for no one else, I need to set the record straight. I love my marriage. Trevor and I have worked hard on our marriage from day 1. We put each other first, we don't criticize unless it's constructive and in private, and we don't belittle each other or try to make the other feel bad. We look forward to the time we get to spend together, always. We have a strong, wonderful marriage because we work at it. Just because I don't share with others or here on my blog, the hard parts or our disagreements, doesn't mean I sugar coat it and try to make it seem perfect. I simply love to share happiness both on my blog and in conversations.
We're seeing a counselor right now and the other night he reminded us that we may not have a perfect marriage but we are perfect for each other. So true.
HOWEVER (and this is kind of funny), the other night Trevor was saying his personal prayer and it was taking forever. I was able to wash my face, say my own personal prayer, take some pills, and feed Carl all while he was still praying. I knew Trevor had fallen asleep on his knees, by the bed, for the umpteenth time. After I had nudged him awake for the fifth time, he finished/woke up. I said in my most sarcastic voice "so...what are you praying for, the whole world?" Maybe that's nothing to you but it was a really snarky thing for me to say. We did the rest of our nightly stuff and I thought nothing about it. But the next day he reminded me of what I had said and we had a really good laugh. Well, I had a good laugh! Seriously though, since the accident, I have some weird moods....and do and say things that are slightly out of the ordinary for me.
I'm not sure why I felt it important to share this little essay on marriage. Maybe it's for my kids to read in twenty years, or maybe next month I'll need this reminder...who knows. But I do know who I love and how much I love him.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Report Card

There are times during the day when I feel so happy. I've always been happy, but its little moments that fill me up with happiness. Of course, there are also times during the day when I feel super frustrated...I just like to remember the happy moments.
I love my life. Love, love, love. I am grateful for every moment, every experience...just everything. Things aren't perfect. They never will be. I don't think I will ever be the person I want to be. But I am so happy with where we are right now. We are healthy, alive, and so content.

Here's a progress report on each of us.

She is doing great. Her back hurts when she sleeps or when she's been slumping for too long but she never complains. Her arm is pretty scarred from the road rash but we have a prescription cream that should help them fade. Except for her puncture scar on her upper arm. She's decided not to to try to fade that. It's a good reminder of what's happened; sort of like a battle scar. She's started physical therapy and is doing a lot of exercises to get her strength back and to help improve her posture. I hope they help. She's a great example to all of us of a cheerful attitude.

Anna is healed from her concussion and the staples she had to close the wound on her head. She worries about me a lot. I know that she is frightened a little more than usual about things but she is happy and healthy. She helps out around the house so much and is very aware of what needs to be done and how she can help out, whether that means ushering the boys outside when mom is breaking down (it's only happened once) or just asking if someone is feeling okay. I'm proud of the courage she's shown.

Stephen is also doing great. His concussion is healed and we just worry now about brain injury. Just kidding. Seriously though, he is just as fun and silly and as annoying to his sisters as he's ever been! He makes us laugh. He also tries to help out whenever and is always watching out for Joshua, making sure he is safe. He's a really great big brother to him.

Joshua went to his doctors appointment a couple of weeks ago. It was a great visit and his doctors say that he is healing really well. He goes back in about two weeks to find out if his brace can come off. As long as his bones are all fused together, he should be okay. He's had his brace off only once since then and that was to brush off the ants that were crawling all over him after standing in an ant pile! He really does not like to have it taken off. He feels safer with it on.
He's starting to have a harder time whenever he's told he can't do something. I think he's just tired of sitting around and is ready to be his active little self again. We are a little nervous for when he starts school that he won't be careful but it's something we will discuss with his doctors and his teacher. He has been much more patient than could ever be expected from a seven year old and we are so pleased with how well he has done. He's a very tough kid.

I'm healing fine as well. I've gotten the go ahead to stop wearing my brace but it scares me. I'm still very robotic in my movements. Partly because I'm afraid it will hurt and partly because I really can't move my neck. I'm still on a lot of pain killers but not nearly the amount the doctors think I should be on. My pain is managed really well and so if I accidentally skip a dose or go off the pain killers completely like I did a couple of weeks ago, I'm in a lot of trouble (pain). So I keep alarms set on my phone that reminds me when to take a dose. I go back to my doctor in about a month for more x-rays and at that point I'll most likely start physical therapy.
I started driving just this week and the first time I did!- it was the hardest thing I've ever done. We were on our way home from Idaho Falls and I was following Trevor. We were on the highway and I couldn't go over 45 mph. I was crying and having a really hard time. Trevor decided to take an exit to see how I was doing. I said I was fine even though I wasn't and so we kept going. I knew I couldn't continue to cry the whole way home, that it probably wasn't very safe, so I decided to "tell" myself my testimony. I just kept going over everything I knew about the gospel. It comforted me and it calmed me. And I made it home safely. Since then, each time I've driven, it's gotten easier.

He worries. So much. And I love him for it. He has been a nurse, a mother, a homemaker, a provider and a dad. I know he struggles with the stress but he tries not to show it. He is just so good to us and we love him so much. When I remember the words from my patriarchal blessing about marrying a man who had the power to do right, I know I made the right choice in marrying Trevor. He is everything.

(this photo taken tonight while watching cake boss and 
eating oriental chicken salad which was sooooo good!)

Friday, August 1, 2014

A walk

The kids and I went on a much needed walk today. We went for about two miles and they all did fantastic. However I was completely exhausted by the end. We walked half the route I use to run. It took us 4x the amount of time it used to take me to run it. Ah well. I'm a slave to time right now.
Even though I'm not up to the physical activity that I was before the accident, I still like to be motivated and pinterest is a great resource for motivation. I find lots of great quotes, not only for running but for life as well. I love when I find one that combines the two!
I want my kids to know the importance of being physically accident so I have made a goal to walk as a family as often as our health allows it. Which will be often cause I don't know if you know this, but I can be quite stubborn!